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"Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy."
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"
"You're a spy"
"I'm not a spy, I'm a shepherd"
"Ah! A shepherd's pie!"
okay I know this is more than one line - mike
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
And God saw the light and it was good; He saw the quarterly bill and that was not good
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
Spike Milligan
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Spike Milligan
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I ? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan
Is there anything worn under the kilt?
No, it's all in perfect working order.
Spike Milligan
It was a perfect marriage.
She didn't want to and he couldn't.
Spike Milligan
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
Money couldnt buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Spike Milligan
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Spike Milligan
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - get it out with Optrex.
Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Spike Milligan
Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum.
Spike Milligan
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
Spike Milligan
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Spike Milligan
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I ? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan
Is there anything worn under the kilt?
No, it's all in perfect working order.
Spike Milligan
It was a perfect marriage.
She didn't want to and he couldn't.
Spike Milligan
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
Money couldnt buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
A king's castle is his home.
Spike Milligan
All men are cremated equal
Spike Milligan
Always try to make other people happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it
Spike Milligan
A neat desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Spike Milligan
A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind.
Spike Milligan
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Spike Milligan
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Spike Milligan
A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least to the end of the blackboard.
Spike Milligan
Copulation equals Population equals Pollution.
Spike Milligan
Unknown actor: "Why do people take an instant dislike to me?" Spike Milligan: "It saves time."
Spike Milligan
"After five days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse."
Spike Milligan
We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong! -
Spike Milligan
One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?
Spike Milligan
Murphy's face was a replica of the King Edwards he grew. He did in fact look like King Edward the Seventh. He also resembled King Edward the Third, Fifty, and Second, making a grand total of King Edward the Seventeenth.
Spike Milligan
He had a mobile face, that is, he always took it with him.
Spike Milligan
Lord Barrington himself was a devout Catholic and a practising homosexual; as he frequently said, "practice makes perfect".
Listen to - What time is it Eccles?
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